Leaving Morningland and the Fear of Spiritual Death
...to conquer death you only have to die...
-from Jesus Christ Superstar
While participating in Morningland life as an active disciple, there is a strong message beneath the rest of the teachings that if you ever leave Morningland, you'll die, spiritually. I know of no teaching that suggests this directly, but I'm sure that most every disciple understands this as part of the unwritten culture of Morningland.
Terms such as the "out" disciple, "jumping ship", "rejecting or denying the master", or having one's "candlesticks" blown out (a favorite term from the Book of Revelations), all carry with them an unspoken death sentence.
The bad news is, it's all true.
The good news is, it's all true.
When I was sent out of the ashram on sabbatical, I vowed to myself that I'd never forget who I was in Morningland. For the next nine years, I worked diligently to earn the right to be re-accepted into the ashram. In time, I came to accept the need to let go.
I wrestled with this for years and the only way I was able to let go of my attachment to returning to the ashram (and hence insure that I'd stay alive) was by using a teaching.
Love the teachings, not the teacher.
Hanging on to that statement, I could begin to let go, to truly see my life in the future without Morningland. This had been the greatest fear I had, the fear of death. But with this one teaching, I found a way out.
In the end, I didn't die after all, but I was very much reborn. My love of the spirit never waned. Instead, with the fear of spiritual death behind me, I could explore all of the spiritual vehicles that were all parked right before me.
Tibetan Buddhism made the most sense and so I began to explore this discipline. Soon I was seeing and understanding life like never before. I began to understand who I really am. But it wasn't until I passed through the fear of spiritual death that this transformation could happen.
If you're wrestling with these same issues, remember, Morningland is a set-up. For us to walk away battling the fear of death is among the most valuable of all gifts that the master's "tough love" can provide.
If altering your relationship to Morningland, or the master is simply not an option, I understand, and I support your decision. Just don't be afraid to be true to yourself, and more importantly, don't be afraid to allow that truth to evolve.
Peace doesn't come from what you obtain, but from what you let go of.
Whether you live or die, spiritually, it is still your decision, just as we were all taught in Morningland.
What we misunderstood was thinking that Donato, was an external power affiliated only with the organization called Morningland.
Donato is within you and now that you're "out," it is the being within you who must direct you on your path and in your life. The teachings provide you with hints as to how you can discover the Donato within you.
Sometimes you have to let go of the external Donato before you discover the internal one.
And when its all said and done, that's all we've been sent out to do, anyway.
