Monday November 8, 1976

Five minutes after I woke I was at the Temple to see what was going on and to try to keep out of my emotional body. Saravati and a bunch of us began to sing some songs and it began to help a little. Sri came in for the new meditation, and to help many of the confused disciples who had heard the tape through the grapevine. I had come to realize that DONATO wouldn’t have wanted me to be down, so I was really working on it. After around 2 hours of massive clearing and much compassion on the part of the Gopis, many tapes were answered for me and I was in a pretty good space. Tais asked if I would go to lunch with her, I said I would and we met at the shop a few minutes later. When I saw her she was crying and it got worse until she finally flipped out. I took her to the teepee and as we walked up the path she began to calm down almost immediately. We talked for quite awhile and came to the conclusion that when one of us is down, then we get out of our ‘down’ by helping the other person, which in turn is helping ourselves, and we forget that we were down!

Tuesday November 9th 1976

I went to dinner at my mom’s house and I told her that DONATO had made her Maha-Samadhi. Maria explained that she had a dream on Saturday night that she had seen DONATO with the film of death over his eyes. My first verification!!! We started talking after dinner and I was totally swept into the emotional benjo-ditches. After an hour or so of total non-communication my mom said that I would have to choose between her or MORNINGLAND. Needless to say MORNINGLAND was my choice. She proceeded to tell me that she never wanted to see me or talk to me. I kept calling in DONATO, yet I knew this was my completion, not his. In the midst of the emotion I felt as if I had died and I felt myself going up, trying to run away from the pain. I just looked down on these two totally screwed up humans, too wrapped up in the pain to understand anything. I left that night in a complete state of emotional insanity. As I was driving home, all of the old suicide tapes ran wild in my de-wired computer. My last link to personal attachment/love had just told me she never wanted to see me again.

I went to Morningland and grabbed Sri. At that time I was ready to collapse, but as we talked about what had just happened, I felt the magnitude of compassion Sri has for us all. It just emanated from her as she comforted, and reassured me. In no time at all I was out of the pits and laughing a little. She helped me to see that I had chosen this lesson and that just a week earlier DONATO had told me of what just transpired. I went home and started writing. As I wrote about the past few days I felt as though I was physically dying. My centers were all messed up and I was in much pain. I talked to Tais and she helped to soothe the aches of personal loss I had gone through that night.

Filed under: By Exers